I was controlling for most of my life.

Growing up, I often felt like a prize pony for my dad and society at large. Our conversations were about my achievements at school, sports and music… he was so proud to have a high achieving daughter. 

A daughter who was going to be successful because of his help. Help, he had never received from his parents.

I was his best project.

And…I wanted to be just like him.

I wanted to be useful to someone. Deep down, I felt like I was only going to be loved if I DID nice things for a man. I certainly wasn’t not worth of someones just for BEING me.

So, using my dad as my role model, I fell in love with someone I could control, help, and mold to the way I thought he should be.

It was like polishing a rough diamond of a man into a perfect gem. Help him become the best version he could be. While I had no clue what even a slighly better version of myself would look like.

I was not actually concious of what I was doing - only in the aftermath I came to understand what had happened and why.

Since I wanted to co-create a relationship, I’d need to move into my feminine energy and allow my partner to “be the man”. It occurred to me that the fastest way for a man to move into his masculine energy is to give him space to do so. No control. 

And it wasn’t a surprise that big, important parts of me were rebelling against giving up the *alpha* role in a relationship. 

But when I did, my life changed.

I eventually met a masculine energy man, and the rest is a brand new chapter in my life.

If I can make this kind of elemental shift in my life - even with everything up to the shift happening leading me into my masculine energy - I know you can, too!